Sunday, October 31, 2010

My Goblins

I let the kids pick out their own costumes and we ended up with a vampire and a witch. Anna just had to have make-up like her sister so she ended up being quite a pale witch. Kenneth did Carly's make-up and I think he did an awesome job. Have I mentioned before how much I love that man? They went with Kenneth to the school carnival before I got home from work so they were already sugared up and looking rough before we headed to the Halloween Party at some friends' house. The kids had a blast at the party and we kept them up probably way too late. We didn't get home until a little before midnight and I do not think Carly has ever been up that late in her 6 years on this earth. Anna, of course, is no stranger to late nights. The party ended with a haunted hay ride and Carly couldn't stop taking about the guy on the train tracks with the chainsaw. I am not a huge fan of Halloween but I can remember doing those scary things as a child and how much fun they were and I want my kids to have those memories as well.

We did manage to get up and make it to church again today. I about had a nervous breakdown during the service. The sermon was about times when we are frightened. As I was listening I just really started thinking about how frightened I really am about all that is currently happening with Anna. I try to act pretty calm and cool about it but my insides are all a muck and I would be a liar if I did not say that I am scared. I know things will be OK. It isn't that. I know that God will use all of this for his will and that he will take care of us but sometimes the journey can be so hard. It is just so hard to watch this thing go on night after night and have zero control over it. Every time I wake up to check on her or to go the bathroom or whatever I just stare at her and within no time she will be seizing. I am not fool enough to believe this is only happening when I am watching. I'm sure it is going on all night long. Gee, what a comforting thought to go to sleep to! I am not looking forward to but at the same time totally looking forward to getting Anna's vEEG and MRI over with so maybe we can make some progress. I feel very alone because there are very few people in my life who have been where I am and understand how hard it is to watch your child go through this. I have a lot of people who are very sympathetic and as much as I appreciate those people and don't think I could make it without them it just isn't the same as having someone who has already traveled this road. The sermon today was helpful though as was talking and praying with the pastor. I know we will get through this and come out on top again. Into every life a little rain must fall but I feel like we are stuck in a storm...

1 comment:

  1. Again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I don't have any experience with any of this, but I hope that you have some support of those who do.
    I do understand being frightened because of a child's health (and your own health). So, let me just say what a wonderful job you're doing, and relying on God is all we can do.