1380 Calories

I was feeling all alone in my exhaustion today until I read a post by Jude's mom and then by Reagan's mom. Apparently not sleeping is going around! It isn't that I wish them to not sleep but somehow it is nice to know there are others going through the same thing. If you will recall, we had about 2 years of Anna not sleeping. Looking back I am not sure how Kenneth and I survived but I guess just like with anything else you do what you have to do at the time to get through it. We tried a myriad of drugs with Anna and finally found one that worked. She has been on that medicine, Trazodone, since that time. For the most part her sleeping has been much better. Then the seizures started and the sleeping took a turn for the worse. As her Tegretol dose went up it seemed she began to sleep better again. Over the past two weeks she has been up about every hour. All. Night. Long. I can barely take it under normal circumstances but being pregnant and then not sleeping is getting the best of me. I finally called the neurologist yesterday because I really think the not sleeping may be seizure related. Her marathon EEG isn't for about 3 weeks but if we continue this pattern for another 3 weeks I may become homicidal. Kenneth is out of town this week so I am flying a solo mission and wearing out quickly. Anyway, she was started on another medicine yesterday in addition to her Trazodone and Tegretol. She is now also getting Neurontin at night. She did a little better last night so I hope it is a sign of things to come. Sunday night was the last night Kenneth was going to be home for a few nights so I took an Ambien so I could get a good night's sleep before he left. He agreed to get up with Anna that night. And boy did I sleep. Guess what else I did? I sleep walked into the kitchen and got an unopened bag of powdered sugar donuts and took them to my bed where I commenced to eating the whole bag all while sleeping. I only knew what had happened because I woke up Monday morning covered in powdered sugar, empty donut bag on the floor next to the bed, and the worst stomach ache I've had in years. I guess that will be the last ever Ambien for me. After I got over the shock I read the nutrition label to see just what I had consumed. OMG! I ate 1380 calories and 180 grams of carbs! I hope the massive diarrhea that followed that morning kept me from absorbing all the calories! On the way to take Anna to school this morning I had a semi freak out and began wondering just what I am doing having another child when I am almost already too exhausted to take care of the two I already have. Then the thought occurred that it is too late to think that. I just panic when I think what if Anna's sleeping never gets better and I am up every hour with her and then right as she falls back asleep the baby wakes up. I allowed panic to set in for only a few minutes and then I remembered that God is in control. He planned this pregnancy and this little one's life as well as my life and he will work it all out. In Christ alone I place my trust.