Amazing Grace

Carly's 1st Grade School Picture

Today was the first time we have been to church since Anna started having seizures. It isn't that we didn't need church because we needed it just as much as ever but the seizures presented a new problem. During Sunday School and church children are supposed to be with the children. It isn't that someone would freak out if Anna came to the worship service but I know I could not keep her quiet and I would be so preoccupied with keeping her quiet that I would likely get nothing out of the sermon. I know that God would honor our presence anyway but it just seemed like an impossible task. I just could not get comfortable with dropping Anna off to a a Sunday school teacher and then different volunteer each week who watches the kids during church and saying,"This is Anna. She is sweet and cute but she has seizures. Oh, and she is really difficult to understand. Good luck. See you after church." I have really wrestled with what the right thing is to do. Was it to be the volunteer most weeks and watch the kids myself? Well, then I still miss church and some Sundays I have to work. I had finally just kind of resigned myself to the fact that church just wasn't doable for us right now. Then at the visitation for my great grandmother Carly says to me,"Mom, you never take me to church anymore and I want to go to church." I turned to look out the door because I knew my mother of the year award would be delivered at any moment after that. I did some thinking and decided that we really had to get back to church because I don't want Anna's problems to become Carly's limitations. I want my children to grow up in church and knowing the Lord. So off we went today. Anna had been promoted to a new class since we last attended. I spoke to the ladies in the nursery and was able to get a pager from them and then dropped Anna off in the 2-3 year old's class. I let the teacher know that we had a pager and that if she needed us to let the nursery know and they would page us. When I explained that Anna has seizures, the teacher's eyes got as big as half dollars but she smiled and took on the responsibility. I know I drop her off at daycare eveyday but it is different. They are paid and they had a choice whether or not to accept Anna and all of her problems. We have also taught them what to do if a seizure occurs. They are all also CPR certified. At church, they are all volunteers who did not sign on to take care of my spoecial needs kid. Anyway, I left once during church to go check on Anna (more so to check on the teacher) and all was fine. I actually shed a few tears during the service because I was so happy to be back (well, and because I am pregnant) but mostly because it felt so good to be back. God had it all under control, again, just as he always does and I hope to someday learn that lesson so well that I no longer doubt. Fear is the one thing the devil really uses to deter me from the path I should be on and I have got to quit letting fear get in my way. The sermon was about when we face our greatest struggles. One of the things we discussed was forgivness. I just kept thinking about how good it feels to be free of the anger about Anna and to have been able to forgive. I feel like I am no longer in chains. I was thinking back to how I felt imprisoned by anger earlier this year and how horrible life would be if I was still living in that anger rather than bearing fruit again. My fruit buds are still immature but they are growing rather than withering away and for that I am so thankful...

P.S. I have been getting a lot of hits on this blog with people looking for "Peptamen Jr 1.5." I still have 3 unopened unexpired cases of this tube feeding that I will happily donate to anyone who needs it if you will just pay for shipping. I also have an unopened case of 500ml Zevex Infinity Bags that I will donate just for the cost of shipping. If you are interested in either one please just either email me through my profile or leave a comment. I really hate for this stuff to just expire sitting in the floor of my pantry, it is way to expensive for that!