Friday, July 16, 2010

Another Normal

Tegretol Naps

Today brought on doses 2 and 3 of Tegretol and a lot of sleep. Anna slept the majority of the day today. I guess if there has to be a side effect that one isn't too bad as long as it is temporary. She has been a little cranky too but I think it is mostly because she is so tired. She will start to get really cranky and then go to sleep. The good news is that there have not been any seizures today. Of all of the emotions I have about this whole situation, the prevailing feeling is one of sadness. I am sad that Anna has another obstacle to overcome. I am sad for Carly because she is sad that her sister has to be "that way." I am sad that Carly sometimes feels like and probably does take a back seat to what is going on with Anna. Sad that Anna needs more medication. Sad that when life finally felt a bit "normal" for us that we are back to the abnormal. Sad that we didn't beat the odds, again. But for all of the sadness I have to say that we are all still OK. I think that after being told 2 years ago that our child would never be "normal" there is some part of you that is always guarding and expecting something else to happen. It isn't hopelessness, it is just the reality of life with a special needs kid. So while I didn't really see this coming, I wasn't totally blindsided either. The hardest part has been the conversations with Carly. She is old enough to know things are not right but not quite able to grasp it. It is actually kind of cute the way she says "see-jure" (seizure). She asked me the other day why Anna had to be born this way. I explained to her (while choking back the tears) that God allowed Anna to be this way and that he is a really smart God who has a plan for her life and for ours too and that although we may not always like it, we must trust that he knows what he is doing and that this will all work out for good. I really believe that and I hope that she does also! It is so crazy the way men and women worry about such different things. I am worried about the medicine and hospital stays and regression and such and he is worried about if she will be able to drive. I kindly explained that we have 14 years to get to that and hopefully she will outgrow this or it will be well controlled by then. He is currently out mowing the yard in the dark. I think he does his best thinking out on the riding lawnmower, alone. If you have a beer while on the riding lawnmower is that drinking and driving? Or does it just make you really redneck? Just wondering. I am going to go to work tomorrow. I feel pretty confident that Anna will probably just sleep all day again. Carly is out at the lake with Kenneth's sister and her husband's family. She loves to be with them and I am glad she got to do something special during the times when things are tough around here. Things are going to be OK. I really believe that. I do not like what has happened but I know we will all be better people for it. Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child...

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