Gabe Update #5

Wow, I have so much to say! This may get all jumbled up but I'll do the best that I can. Praise God for today. It was a really good day! It didn't start off that way. I woke up this morning feeling tired and irritable and mostly irritable at Kenneth. He had done nothing to deserve it. He has been awesome! So I paused briefly and prayed. I prayed that I would not be irritable and that I would be patient and kind. I prayed about just really needing some "me" time- even if it just meant some time by myself in the car. I also prayed for a good day. Guess what? My God was right on time and he delivered. I instantly felt a peace and the irritation was gone. We got to the hospital and Gabe just looked so peaceful also. I have been pumping around the clock and taking milk to the hospital. I have not been able to actually breastfeed though because they needed to know how much he was taking. Today, the nurse practitioner said it was time to try to let him breastfeed- not really for nutrition but just to get us started. The lactation consultant came to help and he latched on nicely. He doesn't suck much but we got the latch down so I was thrilled! He gets a gavage feed at the same time he is breastfeeding (or trying to) so that he will associate the breastfeeding with feeling full. So I did that and then came home and took a nap. I have been staying all day most days but today Kenneth said I had to come home and take a nap. I didn't argue. So I napped a bit and then went back to the hospital to try to feed him again. I was there for about an hour and for the first time ever he was awake the whole time. It was awesome! Also, since I went back by myself I got the "me" time that I so desperately needed. I feel kind of refreshed today. Yesterday felt horrible. I was so tired and it felt like I was walking in a fog. I can't believe Gabe will be a week old tomorrow. His renal sonogram was normal so they said the hypertension is just some transient thing caused probably by either my hypertension or my Pristiq (antidepressant). Great, like I needed anything else to feel guilty about. Anyway, each day his blood pressure is a little better so hopefully it will be normal soon. My blood pressure on the other hand is not coming down. My b/p meds are doubled and I still can't get my diastolic below 100. I will be calling my OB again tomorrow. I know I am stressed but it is even high in the middle of the night when I have been asleep and just get up to pump. I am also having some pretty nasty swelling. The good news about me though is that I am 10 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight. I have lost 16 lbs. That makes me super happy. Well, I intended to write more about how I feel about all of this but I need to pump again and then I am ready for some sleep. I'll save that conversation for another day. Tomorrow I am going to spend the day with Gabe again and Kenneth is going to stay home. It stresses me out not to be up there everyday and it stresses him out to be up there every day. Off to meet Medela...