Life in Holland: Yucky

Monday, November 10, 2008

Yucky

Bitchy- check. Irritable-check. Headache-check. Nausea-check. Electrical shocks throughout the brain- check. Body aches- check. Crying a lot- check. Sad- check. Angry- check. This is miserable. I am taking the Effexor and Pristiq and I am not sure what is causing all of this- the new med or less of the old med. I am no fun to be around right now, I know that much. It is no secret that I did a lot of drugs earlier in my life during the college years. I guess I was never "addicted" to them because I have never in my life felt this bad coming off of something. I wish I could just go to sleep for a few weeks and sleep this off but I need time to stand still for everything else while I sleep so I don't miss my kids doing stuff, Kenneth, work, and stuff like that. Anna is taking 5 steps and if I sleep for 2 weeks she'll be running when I wake up. I hate this!! I took care of a schizophrenic lady at work yesterday and I see it could be much worse, I have not lost sight of that but I also know it could be better.

1 comment:

a-styleNovember 12, 2008 at 11:57 PM
Hey girl, hang in there. I have a feeling it will get better, hopefully very soon! Damn those drug companies! Call if you need anything at all. Love ya! ~ amy
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I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this....When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.