Saturday, January 22, 2011

Will I Ever Learn?

Thank God that the madness I went through yesterday only lasted for a day. I woke up renewed again today and am feeling so much more positive again. I know that I may have sounded crazy yesterday but for anyone who has had a traumatic pregnancy or birth, I think it is totally normal. Dr. Cummings promised me that as things went on I would get more and more emotional about it and not just because of hormones and he is so right. Gabe has been almost funny today. If I push on him he jabs back and me. He seems to know what I needed most today. I want to thank Rachel, Kelli, and Wendy for really helping me to realize that yesterday was just a bad day but that Gabe and every day with him is a blessing.

There is some other stuff on my plate right now too that I think is adding fuel to the stress fire. For many reasons, Kenneth and I are considering pulling Carly out of her current school and placing her in another school district. I will not get into all of the why's, but it is just becoming very clear that is the right thing to do for her. We have toyed with the idea for awhile but I think it is time we quit playing and got serious about it. The reason I have been reluctant is actually not because of Carly, but because of Anna. For a child to receive special services, the only place required to provide those is the home district. You are free to transfer where ever you want to go but wherever you transfer to is not responsible for providing services to a child with an IEP (in the state of Oklahoma- I am not sure about anywhere else). I want what is best for both of my children but I also want them at the same school when they are old enough to go to the same school. Carly will be an easy transfer. She does have some reading difficulties but nothing documented by the school so that shouldn't be a problem. They may also be problems that will resolve when she has different instruction. But then there is Anna. I do not want to transfer Carly only to learn they will not later take Anna. As I was calling the new district to find out what I needed to do, their first question was "Does your child have an IEP?" My heart sank. No, Carly does not, but Anna will. So I have to make an appointment to go talk to the principal about our situation. About that time I got a message from our current speech therapist letting me know Anna's scores on her current speech testing- all low/below average and below age appropriate level. That just reinforced the IEP need and sent me further into a tailspin. I did finally stop to talk to God about it. We chatted for a bit. Then I got online and guess what I found? The principal of the elementary is a wonderful, nice, Christian man who goes to our church. I decided then to let this one go. I do not think God needs my help. He will handle it. He will have my kids where they need to be when they need to be there.

So, I apparently still have not learned the lesson. God does not need my help. He is in control. I have to trust him to guide me in my steps and he will lead me in the right direction. Thank you God for never abandoning me, even when I leave your side...

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