How Friday Went (Or Didn't Go)

I woke up Friday just feeling a little off. My blood pressure was running high (160/90) which was concerning but I had an OB appointment so I didn't get too excited. I went to start my car to go to my appointment and it wouldn't start. Nice! So I ended up driving Kenneth's truck. It is no easy task to drive or rather to park his truck. I have a Nissan Altima and it is easy to drive and park. He has a 3/4 ton crew cab diesel truck so you can imagine the size of that beast. Driving it isn't really too bad but parking it is a whole other story. I had to park in BFE because the spaces at the Dr's office are straight and no matter how hard I tried I could not park the beast between the two lines. I got into the office and although my appointment was at 1:05 the waiting room was already packed. And it was hot in there! After sitting in the waiting room for about 20 minutes, the power went off. And stayed off. For about 30 minutes. By the time it finally came back on my OB got called away to an emergency surgery and they ended up cancelling the rest of his afternoon clinic. The nurse did b/p, urine, weight, and heart tone checks prior to rescheduling the patients though. My weight was only up 1 pound, my urine was negative, but my b/p was 179/102. Nice! Gabe's heart was also doing the funky rhythm again. The nurse called and spoke with my Dr. who told me to go straight home and lay on my left side for the rest of the weekend and I have an appointment at 6:30am tomorrow (Monday) morning. My blood pressure has been all over the place again this weekend. I do not have a good feeling about my appointment tomorrow. I will be 32 weeks tomorrow which was our goal though so that makes me happy. I have a feeling we may be close to the end of the road...

Tidbits and BBQ

I am trying to upload a sound clip but not sure if it is going to work. But in case you thought CP kids couldn't be smart... It was my mom's day to take Anna to school yesterday but I told her I would take her because I had to get her some Pull Ups. As we were about to leave the house, Kenneth called from the station and said he had left his phone at home. I told him we would bring it to him. I got it and we got in the car. Anna wanted to "hode Daddy sone" (hold Daddy's phone) on the way to the station. I handed it to her. We have lots of games loaded on both of our phones for the kids. I assumed she was in the backseat playing games. I had the radio blaring as usual and never looked back to see what exactly she was doing. When we got to CVS to get the Pull Ups I asked her to hand me the phone. When I got it from her I couldn't believe what she had done. Carly had found a place on the phone to record voice memos. I guess Anna has been studying what Carly does and Anna had gotten to that app. I was not sure what she had done with it but just stopped the recording and went about my business. When we later got to the station I gave Kenneth his phone and told him I thought Anna had made a recording for him. He later forwarded it to me. It is her saying "hello Daddy" "come home daddy" "hurry daddy"... It amazed me that at 3 years old she was able to locate that app, get it to record, and leave her daddy a message. It was Kenneth's birthday yesterday which made the message even a little more special. I really think we need to do away with the old childhood milestones. It should not be can they stack blocks but rather can they operate an i phone. If the sound clip actually uploads you just won't believe her sweet voice. There are some silent spots but just keep listening.

We ended up in the Dr's office again on Tuesday afternoon with Anna. She has yet another ear infection- the second in less than a month. Dr. Goff was unable to tell if her tubes are in place but said it is unlikely given the infections. She can have 2 more infections and then it will be back off to the ENT for more tubes. Tubes are no big deal so no stress there. I hope for Anna's sake she doesn't need them though just because that means she has to suffer with more infections. She has a nasty cough too but I think it is just the daycare crud of the month.

I must share with you the easiest most delicious recipe. I cannot do much cooking right now but this was something even I could accomplish on bedrest. It sounds nasty but oh my it is sooo good! The ingredients are simple. You need a 3.5 lb chuck roast, a large jar of Vlassic pickles, and a large jar (I prefer Head Country) barbecue sauce. That is it. You put the chuck roast in the crock pot and pour the pickles on top, juice and all. Turn the crock pot on low and let it cook for 12-15 hours. After that time, take out the pickles and drain the juice off. Pour the BBQ sauce on top and let it get warm. Voila. That is it. It will be the best BBQ you have ever eaten...and I have eaten a lot of BBQ in my days. It is so tender and the flavor is perfect.

That is about all that is going on here for now. My OB appointment is on Friday so I am ready to go to that and figure out where we stand. Things seem pretty stable for now so hopefully we have more weeks of baby growing to go...

Will I Ever Learn?

Thank God that the madness I went through yesterday only lasted for a day. I woke up renewed again today and am feeling so much more positive again. I know that I may have sounded crazy yesterday but for anyone who has had a traumatic pregnancy or birth, I think it is totally normal. Dr. Cummings promised me that as things went on I would get more and more emotional about it and not just because of hormones and he is so right. Gabe has been almost funny today. If I push on him he jabs back and me. He seems to know what I needed most today. I want to thank Rachel, Kelli, and Wendy for really helping me to realize that yesterday was just a bad day but that Gabe and every day with him is a blessing.

There is some other stuff on my plate right now too that I think is adding fuel to the stress fire. For many reasons, Kenneth and I are considering pulling Carly out of her current school and placing her in another school district. I will not get into all of the why's, but it is just becoming very clear that is the right thing to do for her. We have toyed with the idea for awhile but I think it is time we quit playing and got serious about it. The reason I have been reluctant is actually not because of Carly, but because of Anna. For a child to receive special services, the only place required to provide those is the home district. You are free to transfer where ever you want to go but wherever you transfer to is not responsible for providing services to a child with an IEP (in the state of Oklahoma- I am not sure about anywhere else). I want what is best for both of my children but I also want them at the same school when they are old enough to go to the same school. Carly will be an easy transfer. She does have some reading difficulties but nothing documented by the school so that shouldn't be a problem. They may also be problems that will resolve when she has different instruction. But then there is Anna. I do not want to transfer Carly only to learn they will not later take Anna. As I was calling the new district to find out what I needed to do, their first question was "Does your child have an IEP?" My heart sank. No, Carly does not, but Anna will. So I have to make an appointment to go talk to the principal about our situation. About that time I got a message from our current speech therapist letting me know Anna's scores on her current speech testing- all low/below average and below age appropriate level. That just reinforced the IEP need and sent me further into a tailspin. I did finally stop to talk to God about it. We chatted for a bit. Then I got online and guess what I found? The principal of the elementary is a wonderful, nice, Christian man who goes to our church. I decided then to let this one go. I do not think God needs my help. He will handle it. He will have my kids where they need to be when they need to be there.

So, I apparently still have not learned the lesson. God does not need my help. He is in control. I have to trust him to guide me in my steps and he will lead me in the right direction. Thank you God for never abandoning me, even when I leave your side...

So Very Done

Although I do realize that every day is a gift and that there are many who would give anything for one more day, I still don't like today. I woke up feeling ok. I laid around for awhile and then got in the shower. And then it hit. Out of nowhere. Call it anxiety, call it fear, call it the devil...I don't care what you call it. I started crying and I just couldn't stop. I am worried about Gabe and what is best for him and what I selfishly want are conflicting. I know he needs to be inside of me growing and getting stronger for as long as possible, that is best for him. I selfishly want him out now. I want to be able to hold him and know he is ok every second of the day. I know he would be hooked up to monitors so at least if something was wrong somebody would know. My blood pressure is great today (even a bit low for me) and Gabe is kicking fine. But so was it with Anna. I don't know how to let go of the fear. I want to trust that all is well and most days I do. But today, today is hard and today sucks. I am a control freak in a situation where I have no control. I want to go to bed and sleep for a couple of weeks until all of this is over. I promised myself I would savor each and every kick from this little guy. And I have tried. I know this child will be my last. But for today I am so done with all of this.

Let It Be (Updated)

Gabe is by far the most active baby I've had. He is strong and constantly in motion. On Monday night he just wouldn't do anything. I drank sugary stuff, ate, laid down, all the tricks I knew and hardly got any response. I did feel a few tiny movements so I just went to bed and hoped when I woke up yesterday that things would be better. They weren't. I tried all of the tricks again and still got pretty much nothing. I called my OBs office and they had me come in for a biophysical profile. It's a test done by sono to see how a baby is doing. He did well on that. But during it the sono tech kept zeroing in on his heart. Then she pulled up all of my old sonos and was looking at them. Then she asked if the baby had ever had an irregular heartbeat before. I said no. Keep in mind this is sono number 10 I think for this pregnancy. She keeps going back to his heart and the irregularity continues. Unfortunately my OB is in surgery all day and so I have to deal with the on call who I have very little faith in. They send me home and tell me to "try not to worry, this can be totally normal." i just wish if it could be normal that she wouldn't have said anything to me about it. The thing that bothers me is that I went in because something had changed with Gabe and indeed there was something different that had never been that way before. If it was a routine sono and they had found it then it would probably bother me less. Anyway, I will be following up with my OB today. Luckily, Gabe is back to his active self so maybe his rhythm is back to normal. Please let it be...

*********

After much waiting around for a return phone call I was finally able to speak to the nurse who said the OB is not concerned about it. Good news! One thing to mark off the list of crap to be concerned about!!

Old Yeller

We went out to eat after church. Apparently it was too much excitement for this one to handle. She passed out before we even got our food.

Once a daddy's girl, always a daddy's girl!

Looking adorable before church

No, not the book or the movie...it's me. I have become a yeller. I never wanted to be one. I promised myself I would never be one. That is not the type of parent I ever aspired to be. That was not the type of discipline I ever intended to use. As I lay around trying to keep Gabe growing as long as possible I find myself growing increasingly frustrated with my inability to get up and take control of my kids' behavior. So I yell at them because it is what I can do to discipline them right now. It isn't working, not at all. I was lying around watching SuperNanny (there wasn't anything else on and I guess that turned out to be a good thing) and there was a dad on there who was a good dad but just kept yelling at his kids. It wasn't working for him either. In a flash I saw myself. So I am done. I am done yelling. I woke up yesterday morning with a resolve to find some other way to handle things until I can get up and around again. So I stayed calm yesterday. When the kids misbehaved I calmly directed them to time out. And guess what? They went. And they stayed there for their allotted time. And their behavior was better yesterday than it has been in the past couple of weeks. I promise them and I promise myself that I will keep my mouth shut until I can speak calmly. I will not be a yeller.

My appointment last Wednesday went extraordinarily well. Gabe looked good. My blood pressure was high but acceptable for me. I was given permission to get out for a short outing a couple of times a week to maintain my sanity. I go back tomorrow for another appointment and ultrasound. I pray it goes as well as the last visit. Dr Cummings is going out of town next week so things have to stay OK at least until he gets back.

Kenneth continues to amaze me with all he has had to take on. He does it all around here and he does it with a smile. He seems unfazed by it although I know he has to be worn out. I thank God that I have such a wonderful man. I hope I tell him enough how much I appreciate all he does and how much I love him. I think back on how we met and the fact that we only dated about 2 months before getting engaged and then married 5 short months later. It seems crazy but it must have been right. I think when it comes right down to it we are just both committed to making it work. We never expected to walk through a minefield together but we have and we are stronger for it. I love you, Kenneth!

Some girls from work were so sweet and cooked us a freezer full of meals last week. When I say freezer full I am not exaggerating. Our freezer is literally full. They also brought all kinds of cereal and fruit and finger foods to make life a little easier since I can't really be up and around. They will never know how much we appreciate it! I am always amazed at the kindness of others. I hope that one day when I am up and about again that I can return the favor to them or at least pay it forward...

Eeyore

4 Wheeling Fun

Anna all bundled up to go out. Her eardrum ruptured a few weeks ago so momma

is uber paranoid about keeping it covered up.

The homemade sled (I really need a better zoom on my camera)

More Sledding fun

I had kind of an Eeyore day yesterday. Everybody else was out playing in the snow and I was stuck on the couch. I know it is better to be on my couch than in the hospital's bed, but still it was kind of a hard day. I hate missing out on fun with my kids. Oh well, there will be more good times to come. I am thankful to have a husband who gets out and plays with them. He took them all over creation on the 4 wheeler and then Carly and Makenzie requested a sled ride so my sweet husband went into his shop and quickly built them one. They had a blast on it and Anna just stayed on the 4 wheeler with Kenneth. He said Anna didn't stop smiling and laughing the whole time. Carly had fun too minus the few times she fell off and scraped herself on the ice. I was proud of her for just being brave enough to go on a sled. She has come such a long way with her anxiety!

I had to reschedule my Dr appointment for yesterday due to the weather. I will go tomorrow instead. Gabe has been busy kicking and having hiccups. He seems to be doing well. Although I know he will likely be here early unless things really change, I just have a really good feeling about him. I feel like he is going to be healthy no matter the gestation. I know he will need time to grow and learn to eat and stay warm and so on but I just really have peace. I do get really scared sometimes but getting past 28 weeks was a huge hurdle and I am feeling more peaceful as each day passes. I had some really hard times that I may have seemed pessimistic about him but after being blindsided with Anna I really feel like it was a protective mechanism. My attitude has really improved about him over the past few weeks and I pray I can stay positive. He needs me to!

Today was the first day of the new routine where my mom takes Anna to school and Kenneth's mom picks her up and will keep her until tomorrow. Kenneth will pick her up from there and take her to school. It went smoothly and I hope it continues to work as well as it has so far...

Happy To Have Migraines? You Bet I Am

So on Monday I was put on modified bedrest and was actually being quite compliant. I had taken Anna to school Wednesday and Carly had stayed home sick. We laid around and watched tv. After lunch, I started having tingling and numbness in my face and some twitching and my head started exploding. I took my blood pressure and it was 150/95. I called Dr. Cummings office and was admitted to the hospital again. The first night was really rough. I think I only slept about 2 hours. The things that happened that night are worth writing a book about but I'll save that for another day. On Wednesday night I was really worried about Gabe. On my NST, his heartrate was staying in the 180's which is a little high and espcially for him. He is usually in the 130's. Anyway, yesterday he looked good and all seems well with him. My headache was concerning because it has been here for awhile now and has features of the dreaded severe preeclampsia headache. I did a 24 hour urine and the results of it determined what would happen in the coming weeks and days. Thank God, my protein went down and I got to come home on strict bedrest. The headaches, auras, and facial numbness are all thankfully just migraine stuff. I have not had migraines before so I guess they are just another pregnancy gift. I have 4 weeks of strict bedrest and then Gabe will be born at 32 weeks. I can take Carly to school on the days Kenneth is on duty, I can shower daily, use the bathroom and that's about it. Anna will be spending Kenneth's days on duty with my mother in law. I feel bad that Carly can stay here and Anna can't but Carly can do most things for herself and Anna cannot. It's ok though because I am at home and she will be with me on the other days and this will not be for long. Anna loves to be at her Meme's house anyway. I feel bad for Kenneth because he is going to be a busy man the next few weeks but he'll be alright. I'm working on convincing Carly that just because Daddy does things different than Mommy, it is not the wrong way but rather a different way. I am blogging from my phone so forgive my errors, I'm doing the best I can. I have a Dr. Appointment on Monday and I will be happy to get out of the house. Until then it's just me and the couch and that's ok....

God Help Us

Long story short- I am pretty much on bedrest now. I am allowed to get the kids ready for school and take them and get them ready for bed at night but am pretty much supposed to be on the couch otherwise. I can still take them to their doctor's appointments and speech though. I had an unplanned OB appointment today with a blood pressure of 168/90 and an unrelenting headache since Saturday night. Gabe had a reactive heart rate on his NST but he would not really move around like Dr. Cummings wanted him to. He passed his BPP though. I escaped the hospital by the skin of my teeth. I am 28 weeks today. Please send as many prayers as you can spare that Gabe and I can hold on for at least another 4 weeks.