Saturday, August 7, 2010

Some Painful Honesty

Tired- check. Nausea-check. It is beginning to sink in that this pregnancy thing is for real. I am trying very hard to believe that this pregnancy is going to go well but I also live in reality and so I have my doubts. Since the reality of pregnancy is setting in so is the reality of what is probably to come. I am already on 200 mg of labetalol 3 times a day and my blood pressure is good at rest but already 150/80's with activity and I am only at 6 weeks. I see a medication increase in my near future. I think there is a part of me that thinks this baby will never make it home and so I am reluctant to get too excited or let myself think of what it will be like to have 3 kids. I know that sounds morbid but if you have been where I have you would understand. I am not without faith and hope. I know however that sometimes the greater plan does not always mean that things will be teddy bears and rainbows. I do know that whatever happens will be ok and that God will provide what I need to get through it. I promised to be honest in this blog and so there you have it, that is how I feel right now about this pregnancy. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 24 weeks with Anna. If I was to get it again that early and have to deliver I wonder what I would do. Would I want them to do everything to save the baby or would I just savor the moments with it and let it go be with God until we meet again? I know that a 24 weeker can survive but at what cost to that child? I know there are many who have done it and I think that each person has to make that decision for themselves. There is no right or wrong way when it comes to this. But what is right for us, I don't know? I am not worried, per say, I just think these are questions we have to be prepared to face. I would rather be prepared and not have to face them then to never consider these possibilities and then have to make a decision in the worst possible moment of my life. I will be so glad when I hit 28 weeks- that is my first goal.

Anna's seizures had gotten to where she was having about 1 per week. I was thinking that was good until I talked to the neurologist's nurse yesterday. I asked her what well controlled meant when dealing with seizures and she said that is when they rarely ever have them unless they are sick or really overexerted. I told here we were at about one a week except this week when she had one at daycare on Thursday and also one at daycare on Friday. She said we were no where near well controlled and she will be calling me Monday when Dr. Hernandez gets back in town to have a medication increase. After her seizure yesterday at daycare she was out for quite a while. I went and picked her up - not because I do not trust them to care for her but because I know the teacher would be watching her so closely the rest of the day and I don't think that is fair to the other kids. She slept a while longer and then woke up and ate 5 pancakes. She really works up an appetite after a seizure. It is amazing to watch her eat when it is all over. We still have not used her feeding tube since the first seizure happened and for that I am so thankful. I still trust God's plan in her life and believe her testimony is going to be far greater than anything I can fathom.

Carly continues to do well and is excited to get back in school. She says she is going to have "super duper good behavior" this year because she heard the 1st grade teacher is mean and yells a lot and she does not want to be yelled at. Hey- whatever it takes. I hope her teacher is nice though because I think everyone should have fond memories of their 1st grade teacher. She is also working on wiggling her bottom tooth which should be coming out any day. I am trying to decide how much the tooth fairy should bring. When I calculate how many teeth and how many kids, I realize this whole tooth fairy thing could go on for awhile so I better keep the price down. I am thinking maybe $2/tooth will be the going price. She has also mastered cleaning up her room and yesterday learned to vacuum after spilling popcorn all over the play room after she had been told not to take it in there. She is growing up so fast! She amazes me with her compassion for others. I hope she never looses that!

Kenneth has been off for 2 weeks for vacation. It has been so nice having him around all the time. He goes back to work tomorrow though and I will be on my own again. I am so thankful for such a wonderful husband. I could not ask for more. As this pregnancy progresses, he will likely have to be responsible for so much more. And that is fine with him. He never complains but just takes everything in stride. He is such an amazing husband and father and such a blessing to all of us.

So there you have it. This is where I am right now. But oh these hormones, give it 5 minutes and it might change...

1 comment:

  1. I know everyone is different, but I had some crazy blood pressure problems during my first trimester with both of my pregnancies. I was never as low as "ideal" but things leveled out during the 2nd trimester, and then didn't get crazy again until after 32 weeks. I wound up being induced at 37w5d with my first because that is when my uric acid went through the roof overnight and protien showed up in my urine (literally overnight as well). So I was done, and at that point it was time to evict (he was born vaginally 23 hours after the induction was started). He went to the NICU for 7 hours because he had issues with catching on how to breathe. With my second, I caught a stomach virus at 34w6d (courtesy of my 2 year old throwing up all over me 2 days before that). I never really fully recovered and went into labor and gave birth at 35w5d. My blood pressure did some crazy things during that labor (but the epidural did beautiful with bringing them to an acceptable level, they had a bag of mag ready if the epi didn't bring it down). He came out screaming, and did not need to go the NICU. Go figure.

    Bottom line of my story is, even though I had blood pressure issues early on (as in both pregnancies I had reading of 200/100 during my first trimester at rest), I basically made it to term, or close to it.