The Grape(skin)s Of Wrath

Happiness is ugly boots that are way too big and uglier pajamas that are way way too big!

Grapes are officially off the market for Anna. I have recently noticed a pattern that every time she eats them during the day, she pukes them up at night. I do not know if it is an allergy or just her inability to digest the skins but either way it doesn't really matter. She is done with grapes because I am done cleaning grape skins out of the bed at 2am. She is finally well and I am so thankful! We are having to slowly go back up on her feeds to try to get her back to where we were pre-sickness. She has vomited twice while going back up but she had also had grapes both times so I don't know if the culprit is the increase in volume or the grapes. We will see as the grapes are gone and we continue to increase the volume and calorie content at night. But enough about puke...

I was reading back through my posts and I want to make something perfectly clear that I am not sure is clear. Anna is a happy child and we are happy people. She is not a sad child or someone to be pitied. Yes, things are different for her and things are different for us, but we are happy and well adjusted. Having a special needs kids does change everything but some changes are for the better. Anna and Carly both know they are loved and in the end that is the biggest thing. I was reading Ellen's post and it really summed up what I feel. I do not want my child to be pitied and I certainly do not want pity either. The purpose of this blog is to inform and maybe help some other parent who is just now beginning on this journey to see how sometimes although things do not turn out as planned they turn out just fine with another plan. There are lots of people out there who planned on a singleton pregnancy and ended up with twins but I've never heard a one of them say they would give back one of the twins just because it wasn't what they had planned. Life changes and people change and you adjust along the way.

Now that we have that out of the way... Carly's anxiety issues have taken a turn for the worse. I am not talking about there being a monster in her closet or things like that. I am talking about being afraid to go over bridges in the car, having to check and recheck door and window locks, praying at bedtime that is becoming almost ritualistic...those types of things. This has been going on for awhile and it waxes and wanes but it is getting worse and is now affecting her school performance. Yes, I realize she is only in kindegarten but I believe these early years shape a child's view of themselves and problems not addressed now will become worse in the future. She is by far one of the smartest children I have ever met (and I do not just say that because she is mine.) I am proud that she is so smart but I really just want her to be able to be a kid. I want her to be happy and carefree, like a kid should be. Of all of the things I wanted to pass on to my child, this was not one of them. I had these same problems that began early in life also and I hate that she is following in my genetic footsteps. I take medication daily for it and am better as long as I stay on it. I was in the 7th grade when my parents sought help for me and I am hoping that by starting sooner with her that maybe it won't have to get so bad before it gets better. So please, pray for my Carly that we will find an answer for her tomorrow at her Dr's appointment. We are starting with our pediatrician and will go from there. She is excited about the appoitnment and says she hopes they can make her feel better and not worry so much, well that and the fact that she gets to miss school and have lunch with me and without her baby sister.

I do not know if the answer will be medication or therapy but whatever it is I am ready to get on with it. I have tried 800 times to start a new paragraph here but blogger is not cooperating so just pretend, K.

I have decided that I need to get my butt in gear and get off the couch so with the help of my lovely assistant (ok I don't really have an assistant but I like to dream) so really with the help of my sister found the perfect program for me. It is called "Couch to 5K" and it consists of a 9 week program which will suposedly take me from couch potato to 5K runner. I started yesterday and since I hadn't really run since, well, since forever (or more likely track in 8th grade) I am sore as hell today. That is why this post is so long, I am stuck in this chair. I commit to finishing this program and already have plans to run in the Turkey Trot with my friend Josie in Novemeber. I know that is way more than 9 weeks away but that will hopefully ensure I stick with this, lose weight, and get healthy.