Life in Holland: Anna

Monday, August 10, 2009

Anna

Jack is in the corner
The dish is with the spoon
The sheep is in the meadow
The cow is on the moon
But I am here with you and I believe
There's no place I'd rather be
And a promise not to leave you
Is a promise I can keep

You're my muse
You're my rhyme
You're the fire warming this heart of mine
When you hear me say I love you
Anna, do you know how much I do?

So I watch you from a distance
Getting lost within your world
You pretend to be a princess
As you flutter and you twirl
Fragile as the flower in your hair
Dancing in your castle, unaware
That a single day without you
Would be more than I could bear

Little Anna, little star
That is what you really are
Cross my heart and hope to die
You're the apple of my eye.

Micheal W. Smith/Wayne Kirkpatrick

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I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this....When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.