Sometimes God Has Other Plans

As I had posted months before, Kenneth and I had decided that our family was complete. Although we both had a longing in our hearts or another child we knew the risks were high and maybe higher than we were willing to accept. We had talked about vasectomies and tube tying and hysterectomies but neither one of us ever made an appointment. I cannot take birth control due to my clotting disorder so we were just "careful" with sex but truthfully never worried too much since it took us a year of really trying to get pregnant with Anna. But God had other plans. Although I had suspected it for a week or 2, we found out for sure on Thursday morning that we were again expecting. We were shocked but the shock quickly turned to excitement. We spent that day talking about it and smiling and being happy that although we had not planned it that our wish for a larger family was coming true. I was already dreaming about another baby and how it would feel to have those kicks inside of me again and hoping that this pregnancy would be a healing one. The day was absolute bliss. Much later in the day I began cramping and bleeding and have gone on to have a miscarriage or chemical pregnancy or whatever you want to call it. I am sad and Kenneth is to. Although we weren't pregnant again for long, it was long enough to get excited about what was to be. I do not know why I was allowed to get pregnant for that brief moment but that brief moment has changed everything. I want another taste of that bliss...