Rough Seas

The nursing agency came out yesterday and assessed our current situation.  They asked a million and one questions.  The RN that came out was, I swear, hand picked from above for us.  She is a foster mom to children with special needs.   I think she has 3 or 4 at any given time.  She has had to bury 2 of them, one of which she had for 12 years.  It was so easy to talk to her because she gets the fatigue I am talking about and living with.  At the end of the assessment she determined that we qualify for 87.5 hours of nursing per week.  We did not need that much so we settled on 70 hrs/week.  Over the next week we will be meeting with different nurses to find the ones that are a good fit for Anna and for our family.  Please pray with us and for us and we try to pick the best fit and as we transition into this new chapter of our lives.  Today has been emotionally hard again.  Yesterday was better but today it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I have a kid who needs a nurse.  For 87.5 hrs/week.  In my home. She's such a typical kid in so many ways but then on days like today the differences are stinging much more than they usually do .  I've said it before and it hasn't changed.  Grief is such a weird thing.  It's so much like the ocean.  It's more vast than you can imagine.  It has tides.  Sometimes it is calm and sometimes it is so rough it almost takes you under.  Then sometimes the sun shines and the waves calmly splash upon the beautiful beach and the vastness of the ocean cannot be outdone by its beauty.  I hope tomorrow is a day of beauty because the rough seas are all consuming.