I am blessed. I know this. I know things could be worse. I know this. But right now, right at this very moment I feel as if I am going to explode. I really do not feel like I can take a whole lot more on my plate. It is full. People are always amazed at how calm I remain through all that goes on. The answer is God. My faith keeps me calm. The other thing that keeps me calm is that I have learned that worrying takes too much energy and I have exactly zero energy to spare. But right now, right at this moment, I am pretty sure I have found where witt's end is.
Last week, Kenneth's mom fell off a stepladder and down some stairs. She was taken to the ER (insert whole other long story here) and then transferred to another hospital with a neurosurgeon because the original ER saw a brain bleed on CT scan. The second hospital said there was no bleed and sent her home with a broken wrist, stitches in her head, and some serious confusion and forgetfulness. She will be having surgery on Tuesday to fix her wrist. Since last Tuesday when this happened she has required around the clock care. Tonight she will be staying alone for the first time but after surgery will likely need care again.
Carly starts school tomorrow. I will be able to take her to school but I will not be able to pick her up. I will be leaving straight from her school to take Anna to the hospital for her 48 hr EEG and MRI. For anyone who has ever had a child in the hospital you know how completely exhausting this is. More exhausting than the hospital stay is the thoughts in my mind about why we are having this stay. For those who haven't read the previous post or who I haven't talked about it to (there are only a very few I have talked about it to because it is just too much) this EEG and MRI are in preparation for possible brain surgery for Anna because her epilepsy is medication resistant.
Kenneth had taken off work to be here with the other 2 kids while I was away with Anna and now the other 2 will be shuffled around because he also needs to be with his mom for her surgery. I expect it to go well but she is no spring chicken and I fear the anesthesia may bring back the confusion she has had this week.
We went to meet the teacher night and when meeting Anna's teacher (who was already supposed to be prepared for having Anna in her class) I learned she knew absolutely nothing of Anna's IEP, epilepsy, potty training...None of it. I had relaxed about school and was really thinking things would be fine. Now I'm not so sure. Her teacher, by all accounts, is a great teacher. That is fantastic but the cross between the deer in headlights look and the oh shit look I got from her when the word seizures came out of my mouth is less than comforting. So when Anna starts school on Thursday this is what I have to look forward to and deal with.
Our regular babysitter Christy who has kept our kids for 4+ years had to have back surgery and will be out for another 6 weeks. She has already been gone over a month. Poor girl. It is not at all her fault and she just keeps apologizing. We had a fill in sitter but she had to go back to school. Kenneth's mom was our back up and is clearly no longer the back up. So on top of all of this other crap we are babysitterless. It's hard to find a good sitter for any kid but factor in taking Anna to and from school for 1/2 day pre-k, and her seizures, and potty issues...and finding a sitter is next to impossible. Thank God for an amazing boss and flexible job that I can hopefully work opposite of Kenneth's schedule for 6 weeks so somebody will be home. It is not ideal for anyone involved but it is an option I am thankful for.
Need I go on? I would, believe me, but I need to go pack and feed the kids and make sure all is ready for me to be gone. Oh and I'll probably need a beer or 2 also.